So, I thought that today I would write about joy. There are many emotions that come to mind when someone thinks "single mom", but joy is not usually one of them. Usually there is anger, frustration, fatigue, guilt, sadness, loneliness, and depression. I don't want to give anyone the misconception that I don't have those as well, but joy is the rule in my situation, not the exception.
I want to write about how my situation, unique as it is, brings me joy. If I was on a psychiatrist's couch, I would begin at the beginning. In the beginning, I chose this journey. I chose to be a single parent from before Aiden was born. I had a difficult (not as bad as some) pregnancy and an even worse (again, not as bad as some) delivery. When Little Man came in to my life, I knew there would be problems. I was assuming those problems would be much worse than they actually ended up to be and so the joy began the first moments of his life.
I enjoy being a single parent because I don't know anything else. It is not stressful (most of the time) because I have never had any other way of doing things. I am sure there are parts of this that would be made so much easier, but I don't have that right now. So, we proceed the way things are and find joy in the process.
There is a lot of joy in being a parent. I have experienced joy thousands of times in the past two years. I have found, however, that joy in parenting is a frame of mind. For me, choosing to be joyful usually results in having joy - and having a joyful child. Funny, that.
There are many of small adjustments I have had to make in my parenting and I am FAR from perfect. (I taught my own son to pick his nose and flick it....) But when I get to the end of the day and I haven't lost my temper, my son has brushed teeth and warm pajamas on, and I am happy - that is when I feel successful. When I can look at my son and feel overwhelming joy in the process of being a family, I am fulfilled.
I know that I only have been at this for two years and there are many more stressful situations to come, but I remember a very wise man once said, "No situation was ever bad enough that a bad attitude does not make it worse." Being full of joy can never be a bad thing.
My pediatrician has a thought above her exam rooms, "Every baby is a good baby. Every toddler is a riot. Every child is intelligent and delightful. Be a joyful parent and this will always be true." She explained it to me. Children usually become what their parents project upon them. If they are frustrated, their children will be frustrating. If they are angry, their children will push their buttons. If their parents are happy, their children will be well-adjusted and happy. It is a cycle.
My mother was happy. I try to be happy. I have a happy kid.
