Sit back and enjoy the ride.

The shopping is done. Everything is wrapped. Donations given. Packages shipped.

Ah..... Now to sit back and enjoy the next 2 weeks...

I miss...

Tonight I am tired. Happy, but tired. I am tired of shopping, of crowds, of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree". I am finished with the shopping for this year.

When I am tired, I am melancholy. And tonight I miss many things.

I miss the first Christmas concert of the year at St. Josephs in Ogden. I miss playing for the Christmas oratorio that Weber State gets to play. This year they played The Magnificat by Bach. And I could not go.

I miss reading The Other Wiseman - or I should say I miss listening to my mother read it to us while we sat by the Christmas tree.

I miss doing 12 Days of Christmas to the Dawsons in our old neighborhood. They knew we were doing it... we knew that they knew. But I loved that they let us do it anyway and didn't try to catch us in the act.

But then I also think that I wouldn't trade this year for the world. I love the excitement of giving Christmas joy to my son and my brother this year. I love that I can take care of things and not feel rushed or pitied. I love Christmas this year.

Optimism

What a beautiful snow. In the wee hours of the morning.


I have been given a lot of flack lately. Especially from work and, well, one friend in particular - about being so "damn optimistic all the time". I am not the in-your-face "You must be having a bad Monday" sort of optimist (and for all of you who didn't get that reference - watch the movie Office Space...). I try to realize that things that happen aren't the end of the world and just work through them in the best way possible.

Now, I am NOT talking about the things like death and terminal illness sort of stuff. That is huge and I take that very seriously. I am talking about - someone forgot something for a potluck or a nurse forgot a not-so-important paper. Or bills come that I can't pay immediately. Rather than freaking out about things, calmly figuring something out seems like a better thing, but I tend to get razzed about it pretty hard.

Example:

Coworker: "it is so #$%@ing cold outside. I want it warm."
Me: "I kinda like it. It keeps the snow on the ground. White Christmas and all that..."
Coworker: "But I freeze my butt off every year."
Me: "Yeah, but in August we will miss it."
Coworker "Says the person who sat in traffic for 2 1/2 hours the other day because of the storm."
Me: "I didn't mind it. I had 4 wheel drive, a warm car, cocoa, and Christmas music playing."
Coworker: "Shut up. I hate people like you who are so happy to have a crappy life."

By 'crappy life' I think he meant the snow and being in it, but I didn't quite understand how being happy is a bad thing. Snow is going to fall, traffic is going to be slow, winter is going to be cold. These are things we choose to deal with when we choose to live in Utah. Might as well find a way to enjoy it.

But the marshmallows did melt on the drive into work. Maybe I should pout about that...

In Awe

It is interesting to me to see the things that we take for granted as wonderful and awe-inspiring. It is when you get to see all those things through the eyes of a baby who is experiencing all these things for the first time that you really understand how really beautiful and intricate the world is. Light reflected on the water. Sound. Motion. All these things in one package are just stimulus to us, but to the baby, it is new. It is excitement and it is COOL!

After the Festival of Trees, we went to the Mayan for lunch. We sat overlooking the water that the cliff-divers go into. There were lights that would very gradually change color. And Aiden was fascinated. He was fighting hard to stay awake so he could see the water. Then when the divers did the performance, he could care less about the man, but the woman in a swimsuit - he loved that. Typical man.

My Heroes

I had a lot of time to think this morning while I was making my 2 1/2-hour commute into work through the slush and snow. It was hard to leave my little son this morning because he was so happy and warm. I left him at my sister's home under the Christmas tree ogling the lights. I know that during my trip to work, he was happy and fed, snuggled and bundled.

I was also thinking about my heroes in my life and how every one of them has contributed to my happiness and success to this point in my life.

#1) my dear mother who raised her family alone as a single mom. I can now really appreciate what that entails, but the difference is she raised 8, I only have 1. I miss her more and more the longer time goes on - especially during Christmas, which was her favorite time of year. I remember Christmas 2 years before she died when she volunteered us to feed at the Alzheimer's unit on Christmas morning. She was an advocate for "the least of these..." and cared so much about the lonely, abandoned, and sad.

#2) Charlee - I work with nurses and business people all day long, but it wasn't until I didn't work with Charlee any longer that I realized what a good nurse, manager, and person she truly is. She is my dearest friend in the world and as close to family as anyone else. I remembered yesterday why I call her Hurricane Charlee because she was on a mission that included getting patients better care and there was nothing in the world that could have stopped her 5'1" person. She, like my mother, is an advocate for "the least of these..."

#3) Kari - My sister who loves my son enough to take him any day, any time, rain, snow, or shine. He loves her back. I know that any of my sisters, nieces, sisters-in-law would do the same, but Kari is wonderful with my son and I never worry that he is getting love and attention.

#4) My Ford Escape - I know, I know, unlikely choice. But today, with 6 inches on the roads and more coming down, I didn't worry even a little because my car is AWESOME in the snow. Thanks to a man named Alfredo who really listened to me when I went to buy a car. He picked the right car for me and I have never regretted it.

#5) Chris - My brother who enjoys quiet and solitude, but took in me, my newborn baby, and the dog without a complaint and without frustration (at least that shows) because we were in a bad situation. Sometimes Chris is misunderstood as isolative and a hermit. But I saw a real man last night invite his ex-wife to dinner because it was cold and snowy, and she made the trek in the snow to deliver his mail... and was so lonely. I saw him open the door for her to the restaurant and start the healing process between them... and restarted a friendship that had been lost.

#6) My Savior - I love this time of year and more this year because of my new son. What a wonderful way to celebrate such a perfect, selfless life than in celebration of love for our fellow man! What more to say than my ultimate hero who I can never repay.

I love all my friends and family - those who I have known who have made such a difference in my life. I am truly blessed this holiday season...

Blizzard or not.

Festival

I have never really cared about going to the festival of trees... and less since they moved it to Sandy. But how could I pass up the chance to benefit Primary Children's hospital? I owe them the life of my child.

This beautiful Child.

Here are a few of my favorites...

Orange, rust, and lime green. So pretty...

Guitar Hero. ROCK ON!

Peacock tree

Harry Potter Tree... My personal favorite of the little trees

Disney ornaments. So darling

Romeo and Juliet harlequin tree. Great, elaborate combination.

I hope that my little tiny contribution helps children in need. Maybe someday it will help my little man again.