No pictures, PLEASE

Today I drove to Tremonton to get a root canal. Dustin is the best dentist in the world. Jodi is the best assistant in the world. I love them both. But right now I love them both for the following reasons:

• Dustin doesn't make it hurt. At all. (The last 3 times I have had dental work, he has put me under sedation which is AWWWWESOME, but this time, I had to drive home, so...)
• He jokes around
• He let me have the gas.
• Jodi offered to take a picture of me in the nasal mask thingy, goggles, totally out of my mind for this blog. No thanks!
• They let me come on Dustin's day off.
• Neither of them judged me.
• They didn't laugh when the gas went a little too high... and so did I.
• Because they are just simply two really great, loving, awesome people.

Thanks, Dustin. Thanks, Jodi. You guys saved my tooth. And my sanity.

Happy Birthday Uncle Chris

Happy, happy birthday Uncle Chris!

This year you are turning the big 3-6.

So tonight you ate sour cream and raisin pie

Because if you ate regular cake you would die.

There. That is my birthday poem for Chris. (For anyone who is confused about the poem, Chris is allergic to wheat. So we got sour cream and raisin pie - his favorite - to celebrate.)

Today we also had an amazing milestone. Aiden fell asleep in his crib by himself - TWICE! Usually it is a cuddle, bottle and wait.....and wait..... before he falls asleep. Then, he only stays asleep for 20 minutes.

I got to stay home from work because of an allergic reaction to Percocet (see the toothache post from Sunday - had a really bad reaction including vomiting and fever). Bad news. But tonight feeling much better. Tomorrow- root canal. Joy.

A Very Merry UnBirthday to you!

My big boy is six months old yesterday! We had a fun "unmerry" birthday cake at Smedleys when I got home from work.

Uncle Chris's Birthday is today and we went to MacCools for dinner last night and I got VERY sick. Not from the food. It was before the food came out. I think it was a reaction to medication I took earlier. But poor Chris had to eat his birthday dinner with a shivering, comatose dinner guest. We will try again tonight over sushi - maybe.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS!!

HAPPY UNBIRTHDAY AIDEN!

Teeth and Gigger

We didn't go to church today. Aiden felt fine. Mom had a toothache to beat all other aches. I have had a severe kidney infection. I have gone through birth naturally for over 37 hours. Neither of those pains have the equivalent of tooth pain. After crying, pacing, ice-packing, and crying more, I found something that worked. Vanilla. Yeah, weird, but swishing with vanilla extract worked. And worked great.

So, we got our house clean today. Aiden has found out that splashing in the bathtub is great fun. It wore him out and he fell asleep with his small Tigger blanket which Uncle Chris loving refers to as "Gigger".

I love this little man. *Sigh*. Tomorrow back to work.

Christmas 2009

Uncle Chris gave us a giant Monkey for his little Nunky.

Aiden's Christmas Haul.

Christmas Eve. So tired.

Aunt Jodi.

It looks like he is evil. But he loves his books!!

My beautiful kid Christmas Day.

Hard to see, but this ornament has a picture of my mother in it. This on Jodi's tree, but all the kids have this ornament to remember her.

Rachel and her favorite Christmas toy.

Aiden in his Christmas jammies. Notice the feet - little reindeer on the toes.

It is hard to tell, but he was asleep playing with his toes. In his sleep. So funny.

Christmas was WONDERFUL!! Oh, how I love Christmas when I have a child. The magic is back. The magic that was swept away with loneliness and 12 years of single - back. And I loved it.

"Santa" wrapped all Aiden's presents in sparkly blue paper this year because Aiden loves shiny things and Aiden loves blue, so combine the two of them and it is heaven. His coordination is getting better and he can grab something and hold on tight. This includes sparkly wrapping paper.

Aiden, Uncle Chris, and I went to Goodwins this year for Christmas. Jodi and Dustin are such gracious, thoughtful people. We went up Christmas Eve and had a wonderful dinner of turkey, ham, potatoes, green beans, rolls, and tons of desserts. Then, Jodi and Dustin had arranged for us to go to the old Garland Tabernacle so Chris could play the old pipe organ. It was spectacular. It is the most amazing old building with authentic wood working and a balcony. So cool. Then we went caroling.

The little girls were so excited for Santa, but they were surprisingly great at going to sleep. But the next morning, Uncle Chris and Mom (Becki) woke up around 6:00am to get ready for the kids. Getting dressed, brushing teeth. But none of the kids woke up until about 7:30. Lovely. And they opened presents.

My family is too good to me and to Aiden. Aiden got so many fun gifts - it took 2 boxes to get it all home. Everything from onsies to toys to binkies. But his favorite gift was from Aunt Jodi. It is a play set with farm animal buttons. The whole thing lights up and blinks and plays looooong songs. Aiden loves it. Mom loves it. It is so fun.

Mom got the best gifts ever - Uncle Chris gave me a new KitchenAid mixer. (YAYYYY!!) and a new IPod (mine old was beyond broken). Jodi and Dustin gave me the coolest food storage (including baby food... yay!) and a fun cooking with kids basket that included recipes, a book, spaghetti sauce, gingerbread cookie shaped noodles, a chef hat and an apron with turtles on it for Aiden. I loved it. They are so thoughtful.

After presents, we enjoyed a magnificent breakfast of blueberry french toast, hashbrowns, bread, cocoa, and more yummy things than we could possibly eat. Then we played games. And talked. And played games. And talked more. Uncle Chris was more than happy to play World of Warcraft with Dustin and Ethan.

About 7pm, we had to say goodbye. It was so sad, but we had to pick up Roman from the Smedley house. I missed my little puppy.

When we got to Smedleys, more fun presents and stories. Aiden got onsies, clothes, clothes, clothes and more toys. Mom got a digital picture frame (YAY!) and a snuggie thing for Aiden's car seat.

My family is so wonderful. I thought a lot of my mother on Christmas Day and now I understand her fanaticism about the day. Being a mother makes it so much fun. I also thought so much of Mary (mother of Christ) and how on this day we celebrate his birth. As a mother of a boy, I am in awe that a woman would have such a wonderful miraculous blessing as a baby knowing that he would be killed and sacrificed for all mankind. And what a burden to carry. I have thought of my Savior this day as well. For his life, for his death, and for his glory that gives me the opportunity to spend the eternities with my dear mother, my family, and my son. To me, Christmas is a holiday of hope. Eternal hope and wonder.

My favorite Christmas Books

One of the great traditions of Christmas that was done by my mother was the reading of Christmas Stories. I love it. Every year we would get a new book and add it to the collection. My mother had the most wonderful reading voice.

"The Three Trees One of my favorites
"The Crippled Lamb". This is my new pick for this year. Tear jerker.
"Great Joy". The pictures in this one are amazing!
Fond memories of "The Other Wise Man". My mother used to read this to us every Christmas Eve. It can make me cry just by looking at the cover. If this is the only Christmas book you ever get, it goes beyond Christmas Day and focuses on the life of the Savior.
The Gift of the Magi. Old standby. I bought this the year I was so very poor during Christmas. It was a wonderful way to remember that no matter how bad it gets, it's not that bad.
The Year of the Perfect Christmas Tree. Once again, cute pictures and fun for kids.
Another Childhood memory. The Sweet Smell of Christmas. A scratch and sniff book. WANT IT. LOVE IT!!!
Anna's Christmas List Miracle. Beautiful Book
The Christas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey helps us remember that the atonement of Jesus Christ is for all of us - those who have sinned, those who have been sinned against, and those who are grieving for the innocent loss of life. Beautiful message.
The Little Shephard Girl. Sweet message, beautiful pictures.

Family Party Part 2

Happy Christmas Kiddo...
Bridger gave Aiden a wonderful blanket and Aiden loved the blue sparkly wrapping paper.
Aiden got Tyler for Christmas and Tyler was such a good cousin.
Bridger and Aiden. And the blue, red, train blanket. And Cousin Mike looking stoned...
The nativity cast!
Beautiful Cousin Laura.
Sleeping baby Jesus.
The little guys had a lane to themselves...
Such fun bowling!! Thanks Teresa and Scott.


My family is loud. Very loud. Lots of kids. Lots of loud adults. And I love every one of them.

For our Family Christmas Party, the Derus were in charge. That means it was FANTASTIC. We went bowling, did a "couples round-robin", then lunch, nativity, and presents.

Fam Party Part 1

We had the Biddulph family Christmas party today. It was wonderful. Loud. Chaotic. But wonderful.

But regardless of that, I am on day 3 of being really down. I don't know if it is the holidays or other things going on in my life. For the first time in many years, I am ready for a big, major change. (Okay, not that having a baby and being a single mom is no a huge life change.) I mean, get away from what is uncomfortable for me here in Utah.

I am also really tired which is probably contributing to the sadness.

Off to bed I go.

The Spirit of Christmas

My latest domestic endeavor. And it is yumm-o.


This is the first year I have baked or done anything home made for Christmas. This year, I am stretching my domestic muscles and, surprisingly, it doesn't hurt as much as I thought.

For Thanksgiving, I (along with helpers) made an entire dinner from scratch. Turkey, pies, everything.

For my family this year I am doing homemade apple butter (along with the annual donation to the Christmas Box House).

But I don't do those things. At least I didn't do those things. Now, I realize that when I have someone to do them for, I REALLY like it. I think I like being a mom that can be professional when the time comes, but domestic when I want to be. Happy medium.

The balance that I have is this: Today I went to see a patient. She had a massive surgery right before Christmas. Gross, cool wounds, lots of health issues. I love it. I love taking care of people. I love being in the healthcare field. I love knowing what I know.

Then I came home and started the cooking process and turned off the "business brain". I snuggled my son to sleep. I started some laundry. I snuggled Aiden BACK to sleep. And I love this just as much. No, I love this more.

Now the house smells like apples. I love that, too!!!

I know a guy...

This morning, I received a letter from my nephew who is on an LDS mission in Brazil. He is a gem. I love him dearly. It was in response to my letter to him in November. It is Braydon and he is so good to write.

HOWEVER!! He wrote an amazing letter that included his testimony... in Portuguese. I don't know Portuguese. YIKES!!! Good thing I know a guy who does. I will have to sit down and work it out. The funny thing is, I never pictured Braydon as a super religious missionary, but in reading his letters, he is amazingly spiritual and I am SO proud of him!!

See his website at: http://www.missionsite.net/elderderu/main

More from the letter were the following lines (and anyone knowing Braydon will not be surprised):
-My spirits are high and the ship is in ship shape
-And by the way, the Zulu uprising is over... over!!
-I am in a new area where there is a McDonalds and a Pizza Hut. Closer to Christmas and I am hitting those babies up... ha ha. I'm really craving a Big Mac ha ha.

He also drew this picture...

I love it. So funny. In case you can't see it, the caption is "Elder Braydon Deru. The "Brotha Snowman".

And the following picture was included with the caption "Shouldn't I cook this first?"

Heaven in Ogden

Mom and Aiden at Ogden Lights
Uncle Chris and Aiden. Uncle Chris feels much better this time seeing lights...
Soooo..... cold....

Great sign on one of the "houses"




It is one of my favorite restaurants. Lee's Mongolian Barbecue. OH MY HEAVENS!!! I love it. Biggest dive in Ogden... best food in the world. It is in the part of town where you have to count your hubcaps before you leave - and take your mace with you.

But afterward, Aiden, Uncle Chris, and Mom went to see the Ogden lights. It was so fun. Cold, but fun. Mr. Aiden loves the lights.

Best $3 Investment Ever

For Christmas, Santa was going to bring Aiden a bath time bubble maker. However, Santa could not figure out how to wrap this gift, so it ended up in the bathtub tonight blowing bubbles all over.

It was $3 and when I bought it originally, I thought, "it is probably broken and will be dumb." Ah, the simplicity of a $3 toy - and the joy it brings.

Aiden is one of those babies that you have to work really hard to get any emotion from. So when he was looking at the bubbles in awe, that was cool for Mom to see.

He found out quickly that they don't taste all that great, though.

Sit back and enjoy the ride.

The shopping is done. Everything is wrapped. Donations given. Packages shipped.

Ah..... Now to sit back and enjoy the next 2 weeks...

I miss...

Tonight I am tired. Happy, but tired. I am tired of shopping, of crowds, of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree". I am finished with the shopping for this year.

When I am tired, I am melancholy. And tonight I miss many things.

I miss the first Christmas concert of the year at St. Josephs in Ogden. I miss playing for the Christmas oratorio that Weber State gets to play. This year they played The Magnificat by Bach. And I could not go.

I miss reading The Other Wiseman - or I should say I miss listening to my mother read it to us while we sat by the Christmas tree.

I miss doing 12 Days of Christmas to the Dawsons in our old neighborhood. They knew we were doing it... we knew that they knew. But I loved that they let us do it anyway and didn't try to catch us in the act.

But then I also think that I wouldn't trade this year for the world. I love the excitement of giving Christmas joy to my son and my brother this year. I love that I can take care of things and not feel rushed or pitied. I love Christmas this year.

Optimism

What a beautiful snow. In the wee hours of the morning.


I have been given a lot of flack lately. Especially from work and, well, one friend in particular - about being so "damn optimistic all the time". I am not the in-your-face "You must be having a bad Monday" sort of optimist (and for all of you who didn't get that reference - watch the movie Office Space...). I try to realize that things that happen aren't the end of the world and just work through them in the best way possible.

Now, I am NOT talking about the things like death and terminal illness sort of stuff. That is huge and I take that very seriously. I am talking about - someone forgot something for a potluck or a nurse forgot a not-so-important paper. Or bills come that I can't pay immediately. Rather than freaking out about things, calmly figuring something out seems like a better thing, but I tend to get razzed about it pretty hard.

Example:

Coworker: "it is so #$%@ing cold outside. I want it warm."
Me: "I kinda like it. It keeps the snow on the ground. White Christmas and all that..."
Coworker: "But I freeze my butt off every year."
Me: "Yeah, but in August we will miss it."
Coworker "Says the person who sat in traffic for 2 1/2 hours the other day because of the storm."
Me: "I didn't mind it. I had 4 wheel drive, a warm car, cocoa, and Christmas music playing."
Coworker: "Shut up. I hate people like you who are so happy to have a crappy life."

By 'crappy life' I think he meant the snow and being in it, but I didn't quite understand how being happy is a bad thing. Snow is going to fall, traffic is going to be slow, winter is going to be cold. These are things we choose to deal with when we choose to live in Utah. Might as well find a way to enjoy it.

But the marshmallows did melt on the drive into work. Maybe I should pout about that...

In Awe

It is interesting to me to see the things that we take for granted as wonderful and awe-inspiring. It is when you get to see all those things through the eyes of a baby who is experiencing all these things for the first time that you really understand how really beautiful and intricate the world is. Light reflected on the water. Sound. Motion. All these things in one package are just stimulus to us, but to the baby, it is new. It is excitement and it is COOL!

After the Festival of Trees, we went to the Mayan for lunch. We sat overlooking the water that the cliff-divers go into. There were lights that would very gradually change color. And Aiden was fascinated. He was fighting hard to stay awake so he could see the water. Then when the divers did the performance, he could care less about the man, but the woman in a swimsuit - he loved that. Typical man.

My Heroes

I had a lot of time to think this morning while I was making my 2 1/2-hour commute into work through the slush and snow. It was hard to leave my little son this morning because he was so happy and warm. I left him at my sister's home under the Christmas tree ogling the lights. I know that during my trip to work, he was happy and fed, snuggled and bundled.

I was also thinking about my heroes in my life and how every one of them has contributed to my happiness and success to this point in my life.

#1) my dear mother who raised her family alone as a single mom. I can now really appreciate what that entails, but the difference is she raised 8, I only have 1. I miss her more and more the longer time goes on - especially during Christmas, which was her favorite time of year. I remember Christmas 2 years before she died when she volunteered us to feed at the Alzheimer's unit on Christmas morning. She was an advocate for "the least of these..." and cared so much about the lonely, abandoned, and sad.

#2) Charlee - I work with nurses and business people all day long, but it wasn't until I didn't work with Charlee any longer that I realized what a good nurse, manager, and person she truly is. She is my dearest friend in the world and as close to family as anyone else. I remembered yesterday why I call her Hurricane Charlee because she was on a mission that included getting patients better care and there was nothing in the world that could have stopped her 5'1" person. She, like my mother, is an advocate for "the least of these..."

#3) Kari - My sister who loves my son enough to take him any day, any time, rain, snow, or shine. He loves her back. I know that any of my sisters, nieces, sisters-in-law would do the same, but Kari is wonderful with my son and I never worry that he is getting love and attention.

#4) My Ford Escape - I know, I know, unlikely choice. But today, with 6 inches on the roads and more coming down, I didn't worry even a little because my car is AWESOME in the snow. Thanks to a man named Alfredo who really listened to me when I went to buy a car. He picked the right car for me and I have never regretted it.

#5) Chris - My brother who enjoys quiet and solitude, but took in me, my newborn baby, and the dog without a complaint and without frustration (at least that shows) because we were in a bad situation. Sometimes Chris is misunderstood as isolative and a hermit. But I saw a real man last night invite his ex-wife to dinner because it was cold and snowy, and she made the trek in the snow to deliver his mail... and was so lonely. I saw him open the door for her to the restaurant and start the healing process between them... and restarted a friendship that had been lost.

#6) My Savior - I love this time of year and more this year because of my new son. What a wonderful way to celebrate such a perfect, selfless life than in celebration of love for our fellow man! What more to say than my ultimate hero who I can never repay.

I love all my friends and family - those who I have known who have made such a difference in my life. I am truly blessed this holiday season...

Blizzard or not.

Festival

I have never really cared about going to the festival of trees... and less since they moved it to Sandy. But how could I pass up the chance to benefit Primary Children's hospital? I owe them the life of my child.

This beautiful Child.

Here are a few of my favorites...

Orange, rust, and lime green. So pretty...

Guitar Hero. ROCK ON!

Peacock tree

Harry Potter Tree... My personal favorite of the little trees

Disney ornaments. So darling

Romeo and Juliet harlequin tree. Great, elaborate combination.

I hope that my little tiny contribution helps children in need. Maybe someday it will help my little man again.