Humans are creatures of vanity, aren't we? When looking at the Maslow's hierarchy of needs, isn't it interesting that "appearance" is not on the list? I disagree with dear Maslow. I think that appearance and acceptance of that appearance are core needs of individuals. I am not referring to the outward "makeup and fashion" type of appearance. I mean how we appear to other people - how we come across to them.
When telling someone about a disagreement you have had, do you not paint yourself in a slightly better light than the opponent? Your tone of voice slightly less argumentative than it really was? Do we not think of ourselves as forgiving, kind, and understanding at all times, regardless of the humanity that says we make mistakes - many mistakes - and we are often selfish and understanding only if it fits our personal views?
If you say no, then my friend, I must call you a fibber. We all do. Some more than others, yes, but we all do. It is the need to appear more human, less barbaric than your opponent.
An experience yesterday told me that I am this person. I would like to think that I will always choose to be who I am and say what I truly think....but no.
Yesterday I was in the grocery store. A person for which I have had a strong dislike for nearly 15 years saw me down the aisle. She, too, has no love lost for me and our battle of wills has been fought in many arenas over the years. Subtly, yes. A roll of the eyes across the conductor's podium during symphony rehearsal and many other petty displays. Small battles that fill the ever-present war between us. Neither of us has the desire nor the will power to work on this personality flaw.
We could not avoid passing each other down the aisle at the risk of being the one who was rude, so we walked toward each other. (Music in the background: Theme from the Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.) The following conversation took place:
Me: Hi! How are you doing?
Her: Great! How are you?
Me: Great! Thanks!
Her: I haven't seen you in rehearsal. Are you not playing in symphony anymore? (said with quite the hopeful tone...)
Me: Well, I have a baby and haven't been able to, but I am excited for the next concert.
Her: Oh, is this your baby?! (Looking at Aiden)
Me: Yes.
Her: He is so cute!
Me: Thanks! Hey, you are looking great! Isn't your baby about a year old now?
Her: Oh (giggle) thanks! Yeah, he is great.
Me: Well, it was SOOO good to see you. I can't wait for symphony now I know you are playing.
Her: Me too!
I am sure during the whole exchange, we were both thinking, "OH MY GOSH, you are SO fake. You don't like me, I don't like you. If it weren't in a public place and I would look like a total beast, I would tear your face off."
But, there you are. And as the saying goes, "Be pretty if you can, we witty if you must, but be gracious if it kills you."
So yesterday, I died just a little.
