My Small Child

My baby child is growing up.  I still think of him as a baby.  It is true.  But today was a big, big step toward changing my perception of him.  Aiden refused - REFUSED - to go into his high chair.  I figured he wasn't quite ready for breakfast, so I put him down.  (Side note... I don't give into tantrums.  EVER.  This was not a tantrum.  This was an "I don't want to.  Please don't make me."  I just felt like he was asserting his choice, so... I let him choose not to eat.)  So, Aiden then climbed onto a big dining chair and sat politely at the table.  He looked at me with his gorgeous baby blues and said, "Yogurt, please."  (Okay, actually he said, "NNga, nnnns."  But I knew what he meant.)

So.  Aiden has outgrown his highchair.  Sad for Mom.  But also much fun because now he gets to be a big boy.  Big boy bed, big boy chair, is it wrong that I am really happy he is not potty trained?  That would just be too grown up for Mommy.

I know that it is not a high chair picture, but check out these honkin' feet!  These are his new(er) church shoes.  6 1/2!  The kid is still in 12 month pants!!!  

His new chair and his Mickey coloring book.  So big.

Milestones

No pictures.  Sorry.  Just honest conversation about a problem I have had since I was 11 years old.  I have been overweight for 4/5 of my life.   I have been VERY overweight for almost 18 years.  Considering I am only 32 (okay, okay, almost 33), that is a very long time.  After Aiden was born, I was at my heaviest.  There were many reasons why I gained a LOT of weight with my pregnancy, but I have had almost 2 years of excuses since then.    With the help of wonderful friends and family over the past 6 months or so (specifically my sister and my son's brother's mother... don't ask...) I have hit several milestones this past week.   No one can really see the weight loss yet, but I can feel it... just a little.  One frustration about being this big is that you have to lose lots of weight before it is noticeable.  

I am now thinner than I have been in almost a dozen years.  I have made huge life-changing corrections in my life including my routine, my grocery shopping, and my support system. I still have over 120 pounds to lose and at times it feels like an impossible task.  I have never been thin, so imagining myself at that weight is like trying to remember a name of someone you went to school with.  It is right there... you can almost think of it...  just out of reach.  Honestly, there is a whole lot of mind-altering stuff I am going through.  Believe it or not (and this is a very HONEST blog.  I am putting myself out there... really out there and vulnerable...), the thought of being below 300 pounds was very scary for me.  Over 300 has been my identity for so long.

Let me explain.  I remember the first time I really recognized being at 300.  This was about 6 years ago.  I remember it because I decided this is when I would get a personal trainer.  During our initial consultation, he had me weigh in and my weight was 300.1 pounds.  I remember the look on his face.  His response, "well, you hide it well."  Um... Thanks.  I guess.  I felt horrible about it.  I stayed for my 12 visits, but never really enjoyed it and never lost an ounce.

Part of me doesn't quite know how to identify myself unless I make fun of my weight, laugh about it with my friends (especially one friend who is in my same weight situation.  Love ya tons, by the way...).  Fat jokes are really hilarious to people who are overweight.  If you are not overweight, then a fat person doing a visual of trying to get into an airplane seatbelt just isn't that funny.  If you are overweight, your belly will shake like a giant bowl full of jelly.  You see?  I can't help myself.   

I thought of making a bumpersticker...  "It's a fat thing.  You wouldn't understand."

The reason for this post is not to get Kudos.  Exactly the opposite.  It is a preemptive apology.  Please excuse me if I get overly excited about my new "skinny" jeans that are really 10 sizes bigger than you may currently wear.  Please excuse me that I may be frustrated when I can't eat what everyone else eats.  Please forgive me for not knowing the upcoming ME.  I don't know how to be thinner than I am at this exact moment.  I don't know this person I am becoming and it is a terrifying process to be reborn.  I don't know how to shop at normal stores.  I don't know how to move the way a thinner person moves.  I don't know what I will be like.  Please excuse me while I figure all this out.  Please be patient with me.  

Oh, but the one thing I can picture is a little 5 year old Aiden running up to Captain Mickey and giving him a huge hug.  You see, my goal has always been, from the beginning of this journey, to take Aiden on a Disney Cruise when he is 5 or so.  And I will wear a bathing suit.  And I will go down the water slide with my son.   And I will go up the rock wall with my son.  And I will look fabulous.

And when you come into my home and I have Mickey Mouse ears all around my house, please know they are reminders to me of being around for a while to be with my son and do those things with him in a happy, healthy, and actively participating way.  

Okay, so maybe one picture...

Marathon Day

Long, fun day with my mister.  I had to wake poor meester and dragged him to pick up our Bountiful Baskets at 7am.  Poor bug.  After the long day yesterday, he was so cute waking up.  We met Aunt Kari there and spent the morning doing errands.  Cleaning the car, grocery shopping, unloading, putting away, all exhausting.  Then, mister and I had a nap.  For two hours.  TWO hours.  It was lovely.

On and on our day went including spending time with an Albino Uncle Chris (who was painting his basement and was covered in paint).  Afterward, we went to a Black Light Mini Golf that was, honestly, lame.  

Then, I spent the better part of my night putting together our 72 hour kits.  Done.  Check.  Yay!

Best part of the day?!  Getting our disc of pictures from our family photo shoot.  See my favorites below...

Laughing is EXHAUSTING!

The night started off innocently enough.  We were going to go to the mall to get Aiden a new stuffed animal at the Animal Workshop.  Guess what?!  Out of business.  So... BOWLING it is!

We started off the night calling Smedleys and meeting up at Warrens for dinner. Then... bowling.  I think I have never laughed so hard in my whole life.  Aiden absolutely loved it - especially since we got to go with Smedleys.  They are so fun and love him so much.  They really helped make it the best day ever for Aiden.  It took a few times Granny-throwing the ball for his to understand that the ball crashing into the pins is the fun part.  None of us really bowled.  We took turns having Aiden throw the ball and we all used the bumpers.  I think Jessica won at 106.  Sad, sad bowling ability.

Well, on to the show:  (BTW - I will post Breanna's Flintsone bowling reenactment tomorrow... it is awesome!!)

Dip, dip, dip!!

He looks devastated, but he would do this and laugh hysterically when the pins would fall down.  By the end of the night, his cheeks were red... REALLY red.

Barely able to keep his eyes open to eat the ice cream.  Poor bug was totally worn out from bowling and fell asleep on the way home.  

AWESOME!!

Sunday Drive

We went on a much-needed drive today during what needed to be Aiden's naptime.  I decided we could go up to my own stomping grounds in Eden and Ogden Canyon.  So... we picked up Uncle Chris after his work and drove.  It was lovely.  

First of all, Chris has the opportunity to work in the most gorgeous building in Ogden.  

It was built in the early 1900's, I think...

The waterfall up the canyon.  I used to live in Eden and would always think of the waterfall as the point at which I could leave my work/school life behind and my peaceful part of my life would start.  Little did I know, but my brother would one day control this waterfall and how much/little water would come down.  Fascinating.

He wouldn't look at the camera.  He was enthralled.

No, as a matter of fact, I wasn't wearing any makeup.

Responsibility Stinks!

A whole week without a blog post?  Tsk, tsk to me.  We really have had a busy week and life gets in the way, but I was so happy to have a Saturday afternoon with my buddy.   It included a 2 1/2 hour nap for Mister and for me, too... he in his bed, me in mine... which is divine!  (Don't hate me...)  Then a rocking dinner of frittata made from organic eggs from my cello student (which we did in trade. I get the better deal by far.), asparagus, swiss chard and tomatoes from my Bountiful Basket from this morning and fresh Parmesan cheese.  Does life get any better?  Oh, yeah, it does.  Harry Potter Marathon on ABC Family.  It's the little things, really.

So, on to the "responsibility stinks" portion of the post.  This week has been wretched in regards to my adult responsibilities.  Last Saturday, with rollers in my hair preparing for a wedding, I called my sister at 8:00am and we ran to a case lot sale.  $150 of food storage goodness.  Good deal, but unexpected.  $380 for new tires.  It was either buy new tires or die in a fiery crash on I-15 on the way to work.   All unexpected, all necessary.  Good thing for some savings.

We also had family pictures taken at the Union Station by the sweetest photographer in the world.  Check her out at http://cheriegaileyphotos.blogspot.com.  She suggested that we find a place that really means something to us as a family.  Since Aiden is obsessed with trains, it was a no-brainer.  I promise I will post them when I get them back.

Jessica  "helped" do Aiden's hair for the photos.  With his bomber jacket, this hairstyle looked like The Great Gatsby.  We modernized it for the pictures.  It was fun, though.  Thanks, Jess, for helping with the smiling portion.

Waiting for out tires to be done.  Found the Walmart $4 sunglasses.  It was heaven.

This week also brought a very intense work project that kept me in the office all this week including a small stint on Saturday.  Sad, but true.  Necessary once in a while, I know, but hard to leave my little man for that long.  He was able to see a baseball game with Aunt Kari and play with Na Na Na (Breanna) and watch Thomas in the car.  It was awesome for him.  Torture for me.

But this is when in life I realize that being an adult has a lot of crazy responsibilities, but it also has some great rewards.  I have the great fortune to have the cutest little man on the planet.  And that responsibility is something I wouldn't trade for the entire world.

The Wedding Date

This past weekend, my nephew was married.  How glorious it was to be in the temple!  What a beautiful ceremony!  What a beautiful reception!  And a beautiful bride!

But I was lucky enough to have the hottest wedding date ever.  It was a strained wedding because of family dynamics of both the bride and the groom, but the vows are just as important during a hectic wedding as a calm one.  And the officiator said something wonderful that I will never forget.  He said that the wedding rings not only symbolize the eternity of the marriage, but the man's ring is heavier traditionally and that symbolizes the new heavier responsibility of the man as the priesthood holder.  I thought that was magnificent!

Honestly, I was sad to not be around my best buddy on a weekend day, but I was able to participate in eternal matters which is fantastic.